The Point After!

I have often heard the term consensus builder used to describe certain leadership styles. Each time I hear that the only thing that comes to mind is the acronym CYA.

At my alma mater the man who previously held the office of president prided himself on being a consensus builder. He was recently named to the presidency of a small Christian school. In an interview he said his leadership style was to build a strong team and find consensus on major decisions. His pet peeve was people who would complain about problems but not try to be a part of the solution.

As a point of reference when this man “retired” from my college the school had massive amounts of deferred maintenance, a substandard bond rating, declining enrollment, and a high discount rate. Whenever you approached this “leader” with a problem or concern his response was to touch you on the arm and respond “What do you think we should do?” He was so disengaged that by his own admittance he didn’t even attend faculty meetings. Most major decisions were vetted through the use of large unwieldy committees, often manned by a broad range of people who were ill equipped to manage the task at hand. 

Now I am all about getting input. Having an open door and and being willing to listen and entertain ideas and suggestions is both a healthy and viable mechanism to create a sense of ownership in your organization by its employees and supporters. But when trying to use consensus as a way to make decisions what often happens is that decisions never get made, or worse you engineer an inadequate solution to the problem in an effort to make everyone happy. To reiterate I believe in a strong team and I want input. In fact I want spirited discussion and even disagreement. But ultimately if I am in charge then I will make a decision and I won’t be concerned if it pleases everyone.

Consensus builders use that strategy as a way to defer blame. “We made that hire because that person was recommended by the search committee.” If the hire doesn’t work out the fault lies with the search committee. They also appear magnanimous. You often hear that consensus builders are “really nice people.” and “they care about everyone’s concerns.” Well I believe in being civil and respectful but I don’t think leadership is defined by having everyone like you. In education your focus better be your student body and donor base, in private business it better be your customers and shareholders, and in government it better be your constituents.

Most people in an organization want their leaders to make decisions and be proactive. Sometimes a member of an organization will have a problem and no recognizable way to solve it. If they are perceived as being not part of the team because they can’t bring a solution with them when they relate their concern, how long will it be before they stop voicing their concerns altogether? And if a leader is indecisive or wants every major decision made by a committee the onset of frustration amongst both the organizational work force and its client base is inevitable.

Being a leader can be lonely and challenging because to do it right you have to be both decisive and accountable. There are a lot of folks out there that are perfectly content with being told what to do and how to do it.  What is scary to me today is that in education and government you have people that want the role of leader but not the accountability that goes with it.

President Harry Truman had a sign on his desk. It said “The buck stops here.” We might still be fighting World War II if it had said “The buck is around here somewhere.”

I have been attempting to write a novel for almost eight years. I will go at it furiously for awhile, get worn out, and not touch it again for months. I was inspired to write a book by my two sons, who are profoundly autistic. My youngest son, who is my main character, is still ten years old in my story, but in reality is about to turn eighteen next month.

I think writing a book is like marketing, coaching, and politics. It is an occupation that most people think they can do, but find out how truly difficult it is once they actually get an opportunity. For me the time I have spent on my novel has been therapeutic, traumatic, exhilarating, and fatiguing.

I finally got to the point where I had what I felt was a complete story. But I was riddled with doubts. Was my book long enough ( the entire story takes place over a twenty-four hour period)? Were my characters developed enough? Was the story plausible enough for the audience to accept it as reality? Did the story flow well enough to hold my readers attention?

With those points in mind I sought professional help. With the guidance of a college friend I was able to contract with an editor who read my book and basically gave me the unvarnished truth. I learned I needed to work on my paragraphing to make the formatting better. My style was deemed to be good but I needed to make my character’s speech more natural. The flow was good but I tended to introduce too many points of view from too many characters at the same time, which I was told could frustrate my readers. I was cautioned to be aware of repetitious words and my punctuation needed to be cleaned up.

I obviously had a lot of work to do but all of this was technical stuff that I could correct. What I really wanted to know was if I had a good story, one that would grab readers attention?

At the end of the assessment I was told that I had created an interesting and ethically challenging concept but it was one that the editor could imagine actually happening. My editor said it made for a great story and that I definitely should go forward with it.

After reading that I instantly imagined myself at book signings, giving interviews regarding my perch atop the New York times best sellers list, and my negotiations with Hollywood over the movie rights. But after six hours of working on my re-writes today, with much more work to go, I realize that authors work hard, real hard.  While some authors churn out book after book I will be happy if I am able to complete this one. One thing I have not fantasized about is the sequel to my book, and I don’t think I see that happening anytime soon. After all, I don’t think my publisher would give me eight years to produce the second installment.

Dealing with the trials of young adulthood is stressful and scary. As a young adult you could be full of enthusiasm and drive or struggling with finding your purpose. Priorities are often hard to assess. You certainly have professional goals but there are personal goals as well. Who will you marry? Where will you live? Is your occupation of choice the end game or a lay over until you find the right calling? Interpersonal relationships at work are also challenging as you have professional and personal dynamics in play.

Parents and family members are the most logical go to people in these situations but there are often circumstances where they are not the best choice. Sometimes the experience needed for a particular challenge is lacking or the way you and your family members historically communicate is not conducive to achieving appropriate results.

My father died when I was eleven and my mother was a homemaker with limited education so for me finding mentors was not a choice, it was a necessity. My mentors were coaches, teachers, but also older peers. In fact some of my classmates and teammates were my most conscientious benefactors.

When I went off to college my reliance on trusted advisors continued, particularly as it related to my social development. The maturation process is different for everybody but for me it was painfully slow. Having a strong support group allowed me to mature at my own pace.

However it was when I stepped out into the real world that my mentors became indispensible. Sometimes I reached out for help and there were times that others saw me struggling or discouraged and they voluntarily came to my aid.Working is not just learning job skills it is developing a professional demeanor, cultivating interpersonal relationships, and learning how to focus and prioritize.

As the years passed I wish I could say I always followed my mentors advice but some lessons I learned the hard way. However what began to happen in a very subtle way was that I began to mentor others. Some were people who sought me out, sometimes it was me extending to others, but in many cases it was a slow evolution of an existing relationship. Casual talks became more frequent, longer, and more in depth. Over time you could see the confidence start to grow in those individuals coinciding with their maturation process.

I also noticed that it was satisfying for me to be of service to people. Sharing thoughts, ideas, and experiences, even some that were painfully acquired, was enjoyable. When you are helped you feel gratitude, but when you give help you become fulfilled.

We are by our nature social people. There is a school of thought that to be professionally successful you need to out work, out hustle, and out perform your competition. To be a great spouse you need to have the best house, the best furniture, the best vacations.To be a great parent you need to provide your child with all the resources and creature comforts they need to maintain their self esteem. But I think what defines success is how well did we serve others in need,  how well did we love our life partners and support them when they felt challenged, and how firm were we with our children so that they were able to be self reliant when they had the opportunity to make their mark on the world?

When my wife and I relocated to be closer to our children a close friend gave me a little engraved sign. It had the following written on it. “Success is making a difference in the lives of others. Happiness is watching them grow because of it. Make a difference!”

Are you ready to make a difference?

Since the early 1990’s we have lived in a world dominated by technology. Advances are made so quickly that you almost feel they should be tracked in hours and minutes instead of months and years. For those of us not born into it the tech world can feel intimidating but like it or not in my opinion you have two choices. Either get on board or go find a nice big cave you can live in.

I remember when the bank I worked for first put desk top computers on all the officer’s desks. Well almost all. The senior lender in the bank refused to get one. He sat way in the back, a solitary figure trying to hold off the inevitable. I recall wondering if his father had refused to get a television set when they were readily available, and if his grandfather had preferred a horse and buggy over an automobile? I am no techie by a long shot but I am not going to concede technology and its wonders to the young. I am determined to stay relevant and in doing so maintain my own marketability.

I facebook, tweet, use linkedin, and obviously I blog. I have a blackberry that I make calls on, e-mail with , and send text messages. In my office I use a wireless headset when I am on the phone.  I have scanned documents and have been on video conferences using web based technology. I was on skype just last night talking to a friend I had not seen in over five years. I pay my bills via automatic drafts or by using bill pay. I have an I-Pod that allows me to listen to music,watch movies, read books, and play games. In that I travel for a living my GPS has allowed me to easily visit my clients without fumbling with a map or having to drive and read directions at the same time. 

I am a banker and I speak to my colleagues often about how technology is affecting our industry. For many large banks overhauling their technology is costly and time consuming. For smaller banks it should be easier. To me the bottom line is that while it may be true that many of these banks have a current client base that may prefer a more traditional delivery system for their products and services the client of tomorrow will not. They will want to deposit checks by taking pictures of them with their phones, they will want to speak with their lender via a video link on their phone, etc.

The mobile phone is now so much more than just a communication device. In underdeveloped countries the mobile phone may be the single most important possession in the household. If allows for communication, world wide web access, entertainment, and information exchange.

I like the fact that the web sites I frequent are trying to figure out my preferences so it can suggest to me books I may enjoy or clothing I might want. But what I really enjoy is that I know my life has gotten easier and I have become more productive with my time and efficient in my tasks.

I look forward to the day that I can go to my grocers web site, sign in, enter my list, and have all the items emerge on the screen along with similar items that are new or on sale. I then have the option to push my virtual cart down the aisle and look for impulse items, with specials popping up. Finally I go to check out and I am given the option to pick up my groceries at the warehouse or for a fee have them delivered to my door.

I don’t view technology as impersonal. I think it is uber personal. I am reconnecting with friends and family members I haven’t seen in years and can access my service providers more efficiently and effectively.

The years 1990 to 2010 have been nothing short of amazing. I may have to link this blog via e-mail to some of my friends, unless they are out cave shopping.

I think we all have an interpretation of what friendship means or what being a friend stands for. One definition is a relationship between two or more people. We have all heard the following descriptions,close friends, casual friends,  friendly acquaintances,etc.

On Facebook I have 358 friends. If you pressed me hard I could probably reallocate those people into various categories because some of them are very close friends, others were people I interacted with frequently in the past but not so much now, while still others are more likely to be considered acquaintances. My 358 pales with the number of Facebook friends some college students have. I have been befriended by some kids in that age group, either by knowing them or their parents, and many of them have over 1,000 friends. Apparently if you meet someone once that could qualify as them becoming  a friend. My interpretation of friendship is more complex.

I count myself as being extremely fortunate to have some friendships with people who are remarkable in that they possess qualities that make them extraordinary human beings. My closest friends are loving, faithful, and compassionate. Their capacity to care for others is compelling.

Friendships are often most associated with the best of times. The parties you attended, the life events you participated in, the organizations you worked with, or the clubs you belonged to. But for me my friendships are defined by the times I faced adversity or problems. It was then that I became aware of my blessings and the depth of my friendships.

Twelve years ago my wife and I were confronted with an agonizing choice. We are parents of two profoundly autistic and mentally retarded children and at that time we had run out of options regarding their care. My wife, who has a masters in special education, suggested that a residential care facility could offer our boys the structure and support they needed to reach their potential. It was a horrible time for me and when I was at my lowest my closest friends reached out to me and reassured me that I was a good father and that I was doing what was best for them, even if it wasn’t what was best for me.

Five years ago after a major surgery to remove a benign tumor from my spinal column Hurricane Katrina hit. We evacuated and stayed with friends for a week and a half. Not once were we made to feel that we were a burden. On our way home we realized that if we moved to the very town we had evacuated to, we could be closer to our sons. My job search began by sending my resume’ to my friends in that community. Some never responded but others went to work. They made phone calls, they sent e-mails, they basically attached my reputation to theirs by saying that whichever company hired me would not be making a mistake. Shortly thereafter I had multiple job offers and we were able to move.

Five months ago I had yet another health crisis. This time it was to remove a benign tumor from my heart via emergency surgery. Once again friends rallied. They came to the hospital, one friend and his daughter went to our house and helped my wife, as our sons were home for the weekend. Another friend drove 300 miles to be at the hospital when I woke up. This same friend was also at the hospital when I had my neck surgery five years earlier, and he was at the hospital with me when both of my sons were born. He was the best man in my wedding and is Godfather to my oldest boy. I was best man at his wedding and I am godfather to his son.

Every year we participate in a fund raising walk for my son’s care facility. Every year our team is the top fundraiser because my friends open their hearts as well as their wallets. One of my friends is particularly generous, to the point that it completely humbles me. This man in particular has made my life in my current city fuller than I can imagine by including me in his life. He looks out for me and he and his wife have made me a part of their children’s lives, allowing me to experience things that a father of a typical child might enjoy, like church plays and ball games.

My youngest son’s Godfather and his wife have sheltered us in storms and threw a welcome party for us when we relocated. They are two of the kindest and most unselfish people I know. My wife and I are Godparents to their youngest daughter. I could write so much more, as there are so many others that have embraced me and been there for me time and time again.

There is a saying that you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your relatives.  I don’t understand the chemistry of friendship but I know my friendships have sustained me and empowered me when I needed it most. I also have tried to be the same type of friend to others when their lives were challenging.

Do I have 358 friends? I don’t know for certain. But I don’t need Facebook to tell me who the people that love me the most are. They are with me everyday because of who they are and what they have done for me and my family.

I grew up in New Orleans in the 60’s and 70’s. I was eight years old when the New Orleans Saints started playing in 1967 and it was around that time I became aware of football. Every Sunday morning I would watch Tulane highlights and the Notre Dame recap of their game. I knew LSU was good and I remember watching them beat Auburn by a point on TV with my dad back in 1969. Sunday was also the day my dad and I would watch the Green Bay Packers and the Saints if they were on TV. My dad grew up thirty miles from Green Bay and I remember vividly that on a trip to Wisconsin to see my grandmother I confessed to him that I liked the Saints more than the Packers. It was a big deal for an eight year old to feel he might be taking sides against his father’s legacy, particularly when those Packers were a dynasty in the NFL at that time. To my surprise and relief he winked at me at said “I like the Saints better too.”

Players were accessible. I went and saw Tulane play Georgia Tech when I was a seven year old cub scout. When I was slightly older a bunch of us would get dropped off at the old Tulane Stadium for a game and once it was over we could actually get down to the tunnel so we could reach out and physically touch our heroes as they went to the locker room. I can remember Bobby “Pickles” Peccarere slapping a Greenie on the back then holding his hand in the air and exclaiming “Bob Marshall!” as if his hand would now be forever transformed into something that could catch any type of ball effortlessly!

When the Saints played at Tulane you could form a line and yell at the opponents as they came out. I remember yelling something that I’m sure was quite nasty at Jerry Sturm of the Houston Oilers. I think I said something like “We’re gonna get you Sturm!” which caused him to look at me with derision. Mission accomplished! If you waited around you could see the players from both teams walk out the stadium. If you wrote the team or player you got an action shot, usually they were making a football move or leaping on the air, and it was autographed. When Archie Manning joined the Saints in 1971 from Ole Miss you could not only get his autograph you could see him on Seventh and St. Charles watching Mardi Gras parades.

We had an American Basketball Association team called the New Orleans Buccaneers. We later got an NBA team called the Jazz. The Bucs played at Loyola and Tulane, while the Jazz, lead by LSU’s Pistol Pete Maravich, played in the Superdome. There was also the old City Series. Tulane, Loyola, Xavier, Dillard, University of New Orleans and Southern University at New Orleans were the participants. They would play a round robin schedule with the winner getting a trophy. Xavier won the first year, no surprise when you realize that Bruce Seals and Donald “Slick” Watts went on to play for Seattle in the NBA, but even more remarkable is that Seals, James “Shirt” Williams and Greg Berniard were teammates in high school at Booker T. Washington.

Tulane had Pierre Gaudin, a super smooth guard from De La Salle. Dillard had Billy Ray Hobley, who went on to play for the Harlem Globetrotters. UNO had Wilbur Holland, who lead the Privateers to within a basket of a NCAA Division II national championship before playing with the Chicago Bulls.It was a magical time.

High school games were a major part of the sports landscape. Because of the number of Catholic and private schools drawing from across the metro area, neighborhoods were often divided. In a previous blog I had written about the Milan Street Gang. Our guys went to schools all over the city. Bret Berry, C.J. Gerdes, and Gary Klein went to Holy Cross. Darryl Ruppert and Russell Alongi went to Redemptorist, Spencer Gagnet, Allain Gagnet, Marshall Schwartz and Johnny Schwartz went to De La Salle, Michael Graham went to Jesuit, and I went to Country Day. All the big football games were played at Tad Gormley Stadium in City Park, but basketball was huge too. The Catholic Youth Organization ( CYO) Tournament was the biggest basketball event of the year. Most of the games were played in Jesuit’s cavernous gym that was one of the oldest in New Orleans, a landmark in Mid-City. The CYO featured players like Rick Robey from Brother Martin, Jordy Hultberg from De La Salle, Carlos Zuniga from Holy Cross, James Ray from Landry, and Sean Tuohy from Newman. All local legends who went on to play college ball with some of them playing professionally.

Some schools were known for particular sports. Redemptorist was a baseball school. Their best player, Steve Mura, went on to a stand out career at Tulane. De La Salle and Newman excelled in basketball, Brother Martin did well in both. Newman, a small private school now better known for producing Peyton and Eli Manning, was a basketball powerhouse as well as being one of the finest academic schools in the country. Playing in “Death Valley” they didn’t lose a district game for over a decade and won several state championships. Even though they were a lower classification they always got invited to play in the CYO Tournament and the Newman Invitational was a major event as well. Newman and De La Salle were only separated by a few blocks so they were huge basketball rivals.When Brother Martin played St. Augustine, De La Salle played Jesuit, or when Holy Cross played Chalmette High, the gloves came off regardless of which sport it was.

The New Orleans Recreation Department, (NORD), offered youth sports but for many of us it wasn’t an option. For me I was either too tall to play biddy basketball or too heavy to play 120 pound football. For some kids it was cost, others it was having second jobs after school. So we hit the streets.

We picked our own teams and coached ourselves. We played football on narrow strips of grass or at Audubon Park, but mostly it was in vacant parking lots. It may have been two hand touch but some of those touches were pretty hard and guys landed head first onto concrete. Basketball was played in church gyms, on outdoor public courts, or at recreation centers. We even snuck onto Tulane’s court and played there. The remarkable thing is that many of us went on to have successful and fulfilling high school athletic careers with very little exposure to organized youth sports.

What I discovered was that by playing with kids of all ages, including young adults, I had no anxiety about competing against strangers. I also realized that I didn’t have as many bad habits to correct. I always shot a basketball from above my head with a full release. Many of the biddy all stars were still shooting from their hip or with two hands because they started younger and that was the best way to control the ball. The bottom line is that by the time we started high school we were as equipped to compete as any kid from a structured program.

The structured programs for youth that I saw back then were pretty vanilla. Football teams had at most two coaches, basketball and baseball one. Parent’s dropped their kids off and then came back and picked them up. In many cases kids walked or rode their bikes to practices. Parents sat in the stands for games and for the most part understood that coaches were volunteers and that the idea was to have fun.

It is now 2010 and a lot has changed. Pro sports is a multi-million dollar business and autographs are no longer free. You can meet your favorite players but it is almost always under controlled circumstances with a fee or some publicity involved. College sports is big business too. It used to be that students got into games for free with their student ID but now they have to pay as well and are not guaranteed a seat at their own school’s game. Today’s college athletes are there to play sports because they know their scholarship could be revoked if they play poorly and a new recruit looks more promising.The goal is to get paid to play, not necessarily graduate. The pressure to win has caused programs to give scholarships to “student-athletes” to attend their universities that normally would have no chance at admittance. When these “students” get arrested now for any number of criminal actions we are more concerned about the impact on the team than we are for the transgression itself. College sports is a cash cow to fund infrastructure improvements, pay salaries, and increase admissions. Even the adminstrations at these schools understand the impact financially that being successful in athletics provides.

Sadly this philosophy is now finding its way into the high school ranks as well.  Recruitment of athletes is illegal but it goes on. It has been happening since the 70’s, I am not naive to that, but the sophistication has evolved. Back then a parent or booster might steer a kid or kids to a particular school. Now it seems that many of these “elite” programs have a network of scouts that go out of their way to make an athlete aware of the benefits of their school. Some of these “schools” play a national schedule and fly all over the country. Summers are now filled with weight lifting, AAU teams, and camps at various colleges. To compete in today’s high school athletic arena requires year round dedication.

From my perspective the state of professional, collegiate, and high school sports has gone down a path that they cannot turn back from. I am no hypocrite as I love watching pro, college, and high school sports. And I support the notion that sports is front door to a school and a community and that anything you do you should do as well as possible. What I am concerned about is that greed has become a partner in this process and that the real danger is that youth sports will be next.

Youth sports now have teams with full coaching staffs wearing coordinated outfits. Some football teams even have games in stadiums with coaches in press boxes. Baseball, soccer, and basketball have travel teams with sleek state of the art motor coaches and budgets. Teams even have apparel contracts. Young kids have swing coaches, speed instructors, personal trainers, and nutritionists. Playing touch football in the street, pick up basketball on a vacant court, or baseball in a sandlot is non-existent. These cul de sacced kids can’t ride their bike anywhere of significance and free time is hard to come by  because everything is on a schedule. In my neighborhood we would all migrate to a kid’s house and after some small talk decide what we were going to do and where. Today everything for a child involves a lesson or an instructor and the pressure to choose a sport is relentless.

I would love to start a recreational league but no one would like it and by no one I mean parents. You see my draft would be conducted by the kids. They would pick captains and those captains would then draft their players. In football there would be one volunteer coach who would be a teen-ager, not a parent. There would be referees in football but in all other sports,(basketball, lacrosse, soccer,and  baseball), the kids would call their own fouls and outs. There would be one teen-ager available to arbitrate if  a dispute got out of hand and if two or more players did fight they would be suspended for a game.

Parents could sit in the stands but that is it. They could not talk to their kids until after the game was over. Unfortunately a lot of kids get coached from the stands. The law of the land in Wautlet’s rec league is that you cheer and yell encouraging things. After the game refreshments would be served and the kids would sit together and rehash the game. The parents would sit in a designated area until it was time to leave.

You know what would happen? The team’s would be evenly matched. The players would learn about being responsible and owning decisions. They would be playing for themselves, for their friends, and to have fun. They would learn how to coach and help each other. They would learn how to deal with disappointment and success. And they would start to feel independent and empowered.

The boomers, my generation, have not handled our responsibilities as well as we could have. We forgot how we were raised. We are fearful and impatient. We don’t just keep up with the Jones, we have to blow by them.The have it all entitlement path we have chosen has left us in debt and we are raising a generation of kids that rely on us for money, transportation, even help with homework, and I’m not talking about just checking it after it’s done. I pity a kid who has never rode his bike to a drug store to buy football books or get a malt, taken a bus to go see a movie, or stayed out at night to play kick the can in a neighbors yard. I was raised never to take a ride from a stranger, to cross the street or reverse my path if I saw something suspicious, to ride my bike on familiar streets, etc. In the summer I left the house in the morning, came home for lunch, left again and came home for dinner. I had no cell phone or GPS. But I had friends who were with me and we looked out for one another.

Team sports is one of the finest teaching tools ever conceived. It promotes cooperation, understanding, sacrifice, unselfishness, and makes you handle failure and success. If those values are skewed by well intentioned but over zealous parents then we will have taken away one of the most valuable things a person has, his or her’s childhood.

I am by nature an intense individual. I’m not afraid of conflict, in fact I enjoy it to some degree. I grew up in a family that confronted each other, had a coach that was confrontational, and even some teachers and bosses who used that trait. In many cases while some discomfort would arise from the situation there was always trust on both sides which meant that once the issue was resolved all parties would move on.This willingness to address uncomfortable situations often lead to solutions to problems that probably would have gotten worse over time had the topic been ignored.

In my opinion we have become to some degree phobic about using healthy conflict, particularly in the work place and absolutely in the volunteer world. Affability has become the dominant personality trait needed to advance one’s career and serve peacefully on a non-profit board, even if that results in being unproductive.

We have all heard it before. Some organization will hire someone new and the first reaction will be “Gee he seems like a really good guy.” Or conversely if a rumored problem begins to gain traction about somebody the response might be ” Gee I find that hard to believe because he seems like a really good guy.”

We now need to be sensitive to the perceived emotional needs of our employees or the employees of the non-profit. If there is an issue or problem rather than just swiftly addressing it at a board or business meeting,(which is what I used to think those meetings were for), now there generally are off the record informal meetings held to ascertain how to best address that problem and how to be sure that the offending party is well, not offended themselves. The formal meeting has evolved into a mechanism  for the discussion of issues in a superficial way. It allows a person to meet their job criteria because they can point to meetings as a way of defending poor performance, for example “I’m not sure why our numbers are down, we covered all of that in our last few meetings”. People are treated as being fragile and communication regarding the simplest issue has to be done in the most measured and accomodating way possible.

I have had some great mentors and over the years a few have offered advice in this area. Richard Knight, a retired attorney and Chairman of the Board of Resource Bank in Covington, Louisiana once told me that it is acceptable to disagree as long as you are not disagreeable. George Cassard, who basically taught me the credit analysis skills I needed to advance in banking when I was at the Whitney National Bank in New Orleans said that everyone worked a job in their own way and that to manage properly you had to understand and respect those differences. But the most telling advice came from Robert Merrick, CEO of Latter & Blum in New Orleans. Almost ten years ago we were having dinner at my request. I wanted him to critique me and give me advice on how I could better progress in my career.He told me that I should strive to be the most well liked person in whatever department or company I worked for.

None of those men were afraid of conflict. George in particular created conflict for me all the time by challenging me,( He once said to me in a very loud voice for all to hear ” You don’t know accounting!” At the time he was right),but I trusted him to know that it was never personal. Like the Corleone’s always said, it was strictly business. But Bob Merrick’s remarks hit home. No matter how gifted or talented I was if my intensity and drive to succeed made some people around me uncomfortable, a less qualified but more affable candidate would move farther along in the organization. I needed to have a game that was more on finesse and less direct. If a foreign object was in the punch bowl I needed to allude to the object, or better yet see if I could get someone else to notice it.

I began to believe that my advancement now hinged not only on the actual ability to work well but the perceived ability to work well. Deception now was a trait to be mastered because if you spoke your mind bluntly any lack of trust with the other parties could end up with that trait working against you, even if the problems you were concerned about were costing the company money. Subtle suggestions off the record now became the norm. With non-profits you can’t raise a question during a board meeting because of the potential to embarrass somebody, so you and others make a series of clandestine phone calls,texts, or e-mails to get other people on board and then you spend more time trying to figure out the best way to get the issue on the table. Goals have to be nebulous and hard to measure, ( We want to be the standard bearer for customer service!), rather than something that can measured and quantified.  I also had to build alliances with people higher up the chain of command in my organization, and it was just as important for them to like me as it was for them to believe that I was capable at doing my job.

Reknowned author Patrick Lencioni has a great book called the Five Dysfunctions of Team. Those dysfunctions are listed as the Absence of Trust, Fear of Conflict, Lack of Commitment, Avoidance of Accountability, and Inattention to Results. We are now more concerned about the needs of the one as opposed to the needs of the many ( Forgive me Mr. Spock from Star Trek II The Wrath of Khan). The best training now is to watch Big Brother.

Big Brother is a reality television show where a group of strangers from all walks of life are locked in a house together with no access to the outside world. One by one they vote each other out until one remains who then wins $500,000. The psychology of the show is amazing with deception, lying, and the formation of alliances impacting the results. This year was a little different. Four men decided to band together from the beginning. Three of them have made it to the final four and they are about to vote out the last person not in their alliance. Their trust bond was so strong that they are going to maintain their alliance once the show is over to try and maximize their fifteen minutes of fame. They created conflict amongst each other but resisted the temptation to crumble their alliance and they used affability and deception to defeat more skilled players who were confrontational in a threatening way.

I have learned that staying away from the water cooler is almost as important as being good at what I do. I have learned that falling on one’s sword might get the problem solved but that no good deed goes unpunished. That being liked is possibly better than being good and that conflict needs to be reserved for situations that are at their most dire. The irony is that had some conflict occurred earlier said situation may never have gotten dire in the first place.

So in the words of that great philosopher Barney the Dinosaur let me close by saying I like you, you like me, oh well you know the rest.

In 1970, while living in Dusseldorf Germany my father suddenly died. This required my mother and I to return back to the states. After living with my grandparents for a few months my mother bought an apartment house in Uptown New Orleans. It was a modest building that needed some work but it had six units. My mother and I lived in one and she rented the other five out. The rent combined with social security allowed her to become what is now known as a stay at home mom.

While in Germany I had attended the American International School of Dusseldorf for the four months we were there. I was exposed to children of numerous nationalities including Canadian, German, British, French, Dutch, Israeli, Indian, Japanese, and even Chinese. In addition the Americans at the school were from all over the United States.

Upon my return to New Orleans my mother enrolled me at St. Stephens, a neighborhood Catholic grammar school about six blocks from our house. In 1970 New Orleans had copious numbers of these schools, many just blocks apart. Our rivals included St. Henry’s, Our Lady of Good Counsel, St. Francis of Assisi, Our Lady of Lourdes, St. Alphonsus, Mater Dolorosa, Holy Name of Jesus, as well as two African-American schools, Blessed Sacrament and Holy Ghost. We all knew kids at these schools and we competed against each other in basketball and softball.

My seventh grade class at St. Stephens in 1972 consisted of thirty-four students, fourteen boys and twenty girls.  Twenty were Caucasian, seven were African-American, and seven were Hispanic. We studied together, ate lunch together, and played together at recess.

In my neighborhood there was a group of kids who hung out together called the Milan Street Gang, because many of the kids lived on Milan Street. It wasn’t a gang like today. We didn’t do drugs or steal, and we seldom had fights. We were a sports gang. We played touch football, basketball, and softball and we would ride our bikes to other parts of Uptown to take on other “gangs”.  We had Carlos, whose family was from Colombia, Howard and Carlos whose family was from Puerto Rico as was Juan’s, and Jorge, who came from Cuba. Spencer, Ben, and Allain had french surnames. Their widowed father married Brett, Carl, and Carla’s mom,also widowed, who lived across the street, forming a real life Brady Bunch. Ronnie’s mom was from Central America. Marshall and Johnny were of German descent and they went to the Baptist Church whose parking lot we used to play football and softball. Randy, Mike, Russell, whose family was Italian, and Jerry also were in the gang. We spent summers at the Jewish Community Center swimming, playing pool and ping pong, and of course basketball.

My best friend at St. Stephen’s was Chris. He was African-American but was passe blanc, meaning that he was light complected and his hair was wavy. It also meant that he could pass for white if he chose to. He was a superb athlete and very charismatic when it came to the fairer sex. Even today he still has that same roguish charm as a fifty year old.

It is now 2010 and we as a nation, while having made some strides, are still wrestling with the issues of ethnicity and religion.  As an eleven year old I was aware of the dynamics of race. Chris and I would have long talks on the phone about the subject. At the time my mother was careful not to rent to blacks. She was of Italian descent,grew up during segregation, and was afraid to be a pioneer, worrying that if she rented to one black her white tenants would leave. As Chris and I discussed this we didn’t accuse each other of anything, we empathized and we hoped. Over time my mother did eventually integrate our house. I think her love for Chris helped her in that regard.

The one thing that all of us did have in common is that we were all receiving a good education, and we all came from similar economic backgrounds. We were different ethnically but aside from that we were on common footing.I had mentioned the Jewish Community Center earlier. It is ironic that in a part of the city that was predominantly Catholic our place to gather was the JCC. Membership was open to the public and it was affordable. It was a true community center and remains so to this day.

It occurred to me that relations with people of different cultures is less about race and religion and mostly about money. If you lack education and job skills you become hopeless. If you lose hope then you become dangerous. If prison offers more structure and security than the outside world then being sent there is not a deterrent to crime.

The reason all of us were able to get along and form life long friendships is that we met on, and functioned on, common ground. The foundation of this common ground was our school.

All of our students at St. Stephens were sent there by parents and family members who wanted their children to have tools to succeed and be happy. The public school system in New Orleans couldn’t offer that then and they are struggling forty years later to offer it now. But this is not just a problem in New Orleans, it is a national concern.

The key to building understanding and tolerance is through early intervention and having a sound and safe educational system that all can use. All children, urban or rural, rich or poor, are born open minded and tolerant. It is only later that biases occur.

Not so long ago Chris was in my living room and he said something that defined his humanity and his ability to love and live. He said that his race was not what defined him and he was not going to let it define him. He was just Chris. Chris the businessman, Chris the husband, Chris the father to his children, and fortunately for me Chris the friend.

There are lessons to be learned from the Milan Street Gang, St. Stephens, the JCC, and from people like Chris. Our educational system needs to become a top priority not for us but for the next generation of children. We will know we have arrived when the labels drop off and we just refer to people by their names. We will have succeeded when we start to live like Chris.

The nation and world have been rocked by financial troubles, most of which were fueled by greed and selfish behavior. An example of this is the recent sub-prime mortgage crisis in America that was fueled by the sale of credit default swaps. Mortgage loan originators working on commission preyed on unsophisticated home buyers by approving them for loans beyond their means using unsound credit policies and procedures. The companies they worked for then sold off the mortgages after collecting their fees, relieving them of the responsibility of servicing the debt. Those loans in turn were bundled into bonds that were sold to investors and later repackaged by investment bankers and reclassified by bond rating firms. When the housing market began to crash and those loans defaulted the investment banks and insurance companies that had to pay off on those credit default swaps began to fail or need bail outs. All of this was done in an attempt to make as much money as possible without regard to the client or the investor.

Not so long ago service companies were staffed with trusted advisors who were paid salaries commensurate with their expertise and experience so they could function in the best interest of their client and their employer. Instead 0f talking about share of the wallet and how much a person could be cross sold the conversations were centered around their needs. Sometimes that meant saying no to a request or even referring them to a competitor.

I have come to accept that I may have been naive in my perceptions as it relates to today’s business environment but I never thought I would see greed or negligence in the volunteer world. Unfortunately I was wrong about that too.

My entire adult life I have been involved in various non-profit endeavors. I have served on numerous boards, volunteered my time for various causes, and participated in a broad array of fundraisers. I will not deny that I made business contacts by doing those things, nor will I deny that I gained business relationships as well. But the impetus for giving my time was selfish in a different way. I enjoyed the work and I took great satisfaction that I was helping people that were sometimes less fortunate than me. I was proud to serve with some organizations whose efforts were designed to help to create a better working environment so that a person or familiy’s quality of life could improve, and others whose mission was more narrow or specific but targeted at a group whose needs and circumstances were dire.

I knew there were people who were on boards or engaged in fundraising activities for the “prestige”. I also knew that some were attention hounds that liked to be acknowledged or have their picture taken for the local media . I accepted the reality of that because all of the above were donors, so their ability to write a check offset my notion of what a volunteer truly should be. And the organizations needed cash so they in turn would do what it took to acquire a gift. Unfortunately I came to see the harm of that type of selfish behavior in a profound and personal way.

For those people fortunate enough to attend and graduate from college the experience is binding and intense. Your degree is a validation of your capacity and ability when you are too young to have demonstrated a track record in the real world. The more prestigious the college the more value the degree has. It is a recommendation that you are a person worth investing in.

You tend to assume that the people entrusted with the stewardship of an institution of higher learning will understand the magnitude of their responsibility. That they will do more than just write a check or attend a board meeting. You would hope that they would review reports, participate in strategic planning, ask tough questions when problems arise, or ask tough questions if there is the appearance of no problems, because that is their job.

When I moved back to the city in which my alma mater was located I was asked to serve on a strategic planning committee that was given the task of conceptualizing the path of the college over the next several years. It didn’t take long for me to realize that the process was flawed and unwieldy and that the college had massive problems. Infrastructure was decayed, student life and housing was in disarray, the finances of the school were problematic, and enrollment was down. The school was having to raise millions just to cover operational costs.

I won’t elaborate further except to say that eventually, after many painful and  uncomfortable conversations,administrative changes were made but the real culprit, the board of trustees, remained for the most part intact. In my mind while I maintain that the previous administration was inept, the fact that the board charged with overseeing that administration allowed it to operate without meaningful oversight was the real crime.

The spin doctors at the school are now attempting to brighten the picture. They claim to be one of the top colleges in the country. If your rank, assuming Forbes magazine’s ranking system is accurate, is 327 out of 610 colleges that to me says mediocre, especially if tuition, housing, and fees is in excess of $30,000 annually. I don’t blame the new administration, they are trying to dig out. But if the board of trustees is still composed  primarily of the same people who allowed this problem to occur in the first place, then the next question is what, if anything, did they learn? This is an important question because had they been serving on the board of a for profit corporation shareholders would have demanded their resignations as well as the resignations of those within the administration.

A strong community, state, or nation needs people with a healthy and moral social conscience. It needs people who give of their time, talent, and resources because they know that a rising tide lifts all boats. It needs people that take on responsibilities or accept appointments because they feel committed to the cause and recognize that they have unique talents that will benefit the mission. To volunteer or accept board appointments for reasons other than the above is probably selfish, possibly linked to greed in some way, but more worrisome is that it could lead to the very demise of the organization that they pledged to serve.

Greed is defined as the excessive desire to have more than what one needs. Selfishness is when one is too much concerned with one’s own welfare and interests. Neither greed nor selfish behavior can exist within a sound social conscience and certainly any organization pledged to do good works will have their mission challenged, if not totally compromised, if too many of their people possess those traits.

Our personal growth demands that we take a step back and evaluate what our priorities are. Greed and selfishness are part of the landscape of business and that will probably never change. But if it becomes embedded in the community of non-profits, charities, and higher education that will be a real tragedy.

* Some of my readers knew what entity I was referring to in the article you have just read. They made a point to tell me that some of the board members, including a high ranking one, did in fact support the school without a personal agenda and once the facts became known to them they worked hard to support a new plan that had great promise. These people  know who they are and I am extremely grateful for their sacrifice and integrity for what eventually became a losing cause. More to follow.

During my career I was fortunate to serve on the boards of civic organizations that were focused on job creation and growth. In 1997 I was President of the St. Tammany Economic Development Foundation and in 2005 I was Chairman of the St. Tammany West Chamber of Commerce. At the time St. Tammany, located north of New Orleans across Lake Pontchartrain, was one of the fastest growing parishes/counties in the country.

Much of economic development is of course political. You have elected officials who want to implement legislation that spurs growth and you have public-private partnerships like the STEDF and the Chamber, that want to aid in that cause as well.

The challenge is that both volunteers and elected officials want to propose plans of action that provide tangible results in a short period of time. This validates their existence in that they can point to the specific plan or law and tout its effectiveness.

In my home state of Louisiana we have some tremendous home field advantages. We have great infrastructure with six interstates ( I-10, I-12, I-20, I-49,  I-55, and I-59), several airports, numerous seaports including the Port of New Orleans, and a fair amount of rail. We also have one of the largest natural gas plays in the world in the Haynesville Shale, timber, agriculture, the movie industry,and miltary operations with both a large air force and army base within our borders.

Our real estate is comparatively cheap, we have tremendous recreation including boating, fishing, and hunting. We have world class cuisine and music along with big time sporting events and teams. And the climate, excluding hurricanes, is better than most states. Yet our net population is shrinking.

In Louisiana the state budget has a tremendous amount of money that is restricted and immune to cuts. As such, in times of fiscal crisis the ability to look at the income and expense side of the state’s operations is compromised. Even in good times the ability to not access these restricted funds is problematic. So where does the brunt of cuts fall. The victims in this case become health care and education.

No incentive package, whether it is free land, lower taxes, or tax credits will consistently attract new business or maintain existing companies if their employee base is unhappy with their education and health care options. If you want young couples to move to your state and raise their families you need quality schools. If you want to attract retirees or hang onto to your existing citizenry you need top notch health care options. If you don’t have competent education you can’t train your work force. If the work force is not there you have to move them in. If the trained work force is unhappy with the school choices they won’t come. It is a vicious cycle.

There was a time when planting a tree whose shade you would not sit in was a moral obligation. Moral and ethical public servants felt compelled to put in place plans of action that would yield benefits down the line long after they were gone. The live in the moment stance taken by a vast majority of elected officials is detrimental to long term achievement. President Harry Truman once said “It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.”

A sound and effective educational system also allows our citizens to stay relevant on the world stage. Make no mistake the world is flat. States and local economies are not only competing regionally and nationally now but globally as well. And health care options are paramount to maintaining that work force. If you undermine or diminish either of those industries you are poised for defeat.

A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. Strong public and private partnerships have proved invaluable in shoring up troubled schools in inner cities and rural areas as well as beleagured hospitals and clinics in those same locales. Attacking this problem won’t yield dividends in one, three, five , or even ten years. And the original proponents may not get one shred of credit. But if this issue is not addressed soon and comprehensively our legacy to future generations will be one of massive debt, a lower standard of living, and a record of selfish behavior in both the public and private sectors that is shameful and inexcusable.