Last night my wife I and participated in a trivia night that was a fund raiser for the local Catholic high school I coach at. Like most fundraisers they had food, door prizes, and some adult beverages. Being new to this we weren’t sure what to expect but we were at a table with people we knew so they showed us the ropes.
There were several categories. There were questions on movie quotes, reality television shows, Louisiana history, and some general information. There were eight rounds and each round had six questions.
Our table got off to a fairly good start, getting three out of the first six right.We knew that Eddie Murphy was originally supposed to host the Oscars this year and that David Niven was on stage when a streaker ran behind him. I thought the first ever Oscar winning film was Birth of Nations, but it turned out to be a movie called Wings, and none of us could name all of the best picture nominees or the best foreign film winner last year.
I was a little concerned because I didn’t seem to know the answers to any of the questions. Even when I was sure I was right I was wrong. I suggested we change the location of the first ever MTV Real World episode to Los Angeles from New York. It turned out New York was right. I also thought that the Professional Bowlers Hall of Fame was in Akron, Ohio. It is actually in Arlington, Texas. The main character in the book Catch 22 was on the tip of my tongue but I just couldn’t get his name to come out.
I had another beer and then the answers started to come. The villain in Othello was Iago. The family in The Grapes of Wrath were the Joads. The two teams that played in the 1967 Ice Bowl were Green Bay and Dallas. I got movie quotes and characters right from The Natural, Godfather II, Animal House, and Cool Hand Luke. Metta World Peace was actually Ron Artest. I even knew the name of the last child of Kris Jenner. After everyone else had listed Kourtney, Kim, Khloe, Rob,and Kendall I came up with Kylie. And I also knew that Newt Gingrich’s second wife was Marianne, that the archeological site in Northwest Louisiana was Poverty Point and that people in Lousiana of mixed heritage descended from latin countries were known as Creoles.
At this point the men at my table were looking at me. One blurted out ” How do you know this stuff?” Another looked at me and said “What do you do for a living?” It was then that I realized that I probably had emasculated myself by knowing these trivial answers to these trivial questions. My man card was about to be revoked and I knew why. No real man should know too much about the Kardashian family. I knew I was in trouble when the question of what was Lady Gaga’s real name came up and everyone at the table looked at me. Even if I had known it was Stefani Germanotta, (which I didn’t), I’m not sure I would have said it.
Despite our late surge we finished around the middle of the group. The table behind us, a serious group armed with written notes, took first place and the $1,000 prize. When they were announced the phrase used by the emcee was “We hate to see this because they win every year.” Ouch.
I thought about trying to salvage my manhood but I felt anything I might say would just sound..trivial. Next year I’m whispering the answers to my wife.